There may be no role in life any more rewarding, humbling, challenging, or tender than the role of a father. To father well is not simply to provide for a child’s physical needs, important as that is. It is also to help shape a child’s heart, guide a child’s will, and nurture a child’s soul.
The Apostle Paul gives us a beautiful picture of fatherhood when he writes, “You know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God” (1 Thessalonians 2:11–12). In just a few words, Paul offers three habits that mark a godly father: encouraging, comforting, and urging.
Children need all three.
1) Children Need Encouragement
A father’s words have enormous power. They can open the heart or close it. They can build courage or create fear. They can draw a child closer or quietly push a child away.
Encouragement is more than complimenting a child’s accomplishments. Appreciation says, “I like what you did.” Affirmation says, “I love who you are.” Both matter, but affirmation reaches deeper. Every child needs to hear words such as, “I’m so glad I get to be your dad,” “I love spending time with you,” “I see God doing something good in you,” and “One of the things I love about you is…”
These words may seem simple, but they can become soul food. Many adults can still remember the words a father spoke over them, whether painful or life-giving. Christian fathers have the opportunity to speak words that help children understand not only that they are loved by Dad, but that they are deeply loved by God.
2) Children Need Comfort
Comfort means offering felt support when life is hard and reassurance when they fail. Children are still “under construction.” They spill milk, forget chores, lose games, say the wrong thing, and feel fears they do not know how to explain. In those moments, a father has a choice. He can react with irritation, or he can respond with grace.
Comfort does not mean fathers ignore correction. It means correction is surrounded by love. When a child is afraid at bedtime, comfort sits beside the bed and asks, “What feels scary right now?” When a child fails, comfort says, “You are human. I love you. Let’s learn from this.” When a father has been too harsh, comfort is humble enough to say, “I was wrong. Will you forgive me?”
That kind of humility does not weaken a father’s leadership. It strengthens it. A father who can admit wrong teaches his children that repentance is not shameful. It is part of walking with God.
3) Children Need Urging
Paul’s word carries the idea of guiding, directing, and calling someone forward. Children need fathers who lovingly point them toward wisdom, character, responsibility, and faith. Psalm 127 describes children as arrows in the hand of a warrior. Arrows need direction. They need someone to help aim them.
This is one of the great privileges of fatherhood: helping a child discover who God has made them to be and where God is calling them to go. That requires both direction and correction. Direction says, “This is the way of wisdom.” Correction says, “That path will harm you, and I love you too much to let you wander there without warning.”
But the spirit of that correction matters deeply. Discipline without affection can harden a child’s soul. Affection without discipline can leave a child aimless. Godly fatherhood seeks to hold both together: strength and tenderness, truth and grace, guidance and embrace.
So how can a father begin? Often, the most powerful steps are simple.
How Can a Father Begin?
So how can a father begin? Often, the most powerful steps are simple.
Make Moments
Life is full of teachable moments. A conversation in the car, a walk outside, a bedtime prayer, a question at the dinner table—these ordinary moments can become holy ground.
Keep Promises
When a father makes a promise, he places hope in a child’s heart. When he keeps that promise, trust grows. When he breaks it, something tender can be wounded. Faithfulness in small things teaches children something about the faithfulness of God.
Ask Better Questions
Instead of only asking, “How was your day?” try, “What was the best part of your day?” “Was anything hard today?” “When did you feel close to God this week?” “What is something you are wondering about?” Remember: A good question can open a conversation. A great question can open a soul.
Impart Wisdom
Children need more than rules; they need reasons, stories, Scripture, and examples. They need fathers who will say, “Here is what I have learned,” “Here is where I failed,” and “Here is why following Jesus matters.”
Take Time
No substitute exists for a father’s presence. Children need dads who are not only in the house, but truly available. Screens down and attention engaged. Eye contact matters. Listening matters. Showing up matters.
Faithful Fatherhood
Every father will fall short. That is why Christian fatherhood must begin with grace. We father best when we remember that we, too, are children—children of a perfect Father who encourages, comforts, corrects, forgives, and calls us forward.
A faithful father does not have to be flawless. He does need to be present, humble, prayerful, and willing to keep growing.
By God’s grace, fathers can become “soul openers”—men who help their children stay open to love, open to truth, open to correction, open to joy, and most of all, open to God.
Dr. Robert C. Crosby is the President of Emerge Counseling Ministries, a pastor, author, and leadership expert, passionate about equipping individuals and organizations to thrive.
He has authored several books on leadership and spiritual growth, including The One Jesus Loves and The Teaming Church. Dr. Crosby received his PhD from Regent University; his work integrates faith, psychology, and practical leadership principles.
